its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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