in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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