you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize