bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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