why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize