Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
