I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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