what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.