What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.