Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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