you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on