Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.