god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.