I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..