come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.