This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance