Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.