I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
