why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
