Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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