I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Redeem this text for a blowjob
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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