is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
