Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
time to smoke my breakfast
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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