i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
