My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
