so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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