I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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