I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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