i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Boobs are out for the taking
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
