Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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