Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party