U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.