I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.