what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist