Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.