1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm at about main and main street
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
