I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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