There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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