You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
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Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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