My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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