don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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