At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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