now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.