Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.