On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires