I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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