no, he came in my armpit
You can't motorboat a personality
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
