You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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