i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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