Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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