he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
