remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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