you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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