that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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