apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
