I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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