you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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