Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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