I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize