Umm I'm too high to move.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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