new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright