Your dad touched me again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.