it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
your room smells of hookers.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you would pick up someone in the library
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is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.