of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.