My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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