Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
